i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
