Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
