i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
