it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize