Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
