i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
