Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
