New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize