I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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