I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize