Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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