he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
