so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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