Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
