Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
