I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
