New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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