We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
