I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
