I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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