Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
