What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
