College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
