have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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