Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
be right there i have to get my cape
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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