Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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