just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
