I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
