His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Still dying that you shit outside
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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