i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Green mimosas i think yes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
