his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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