That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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