So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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