Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
