im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
