Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
