By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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