My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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