he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
