So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
