fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
