You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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