I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
