I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
my poor anus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
