I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
