C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
