i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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