He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
