I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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