Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
