I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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