i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
