I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
