I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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