Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
