I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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