haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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