you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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