need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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