Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
